


A John Seed shaped problem

by ShadeSpeaks



Category: Far Cry (Video Games), Far Cry 5
Genre: Exhibitionism, Gender Neutral Character, Humor, Light Bondage, Other, Sexual Humor, Sexual Tension, Swearing, Threats of Violence, off-screen sex, wingman Sharky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:08:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24674371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadeSpeaks/pseuds/ShadeSpeaks
Summary: Maybe breaking into John Seed’s ranch was a bad idea and maybe Sharky and Adelaide are right about how a certain Herald feels about the Deputy.
Relationships: Deputy | Judge/John Seed
Comments: 1
Kudos: 20





	A John Seed shaped problem

Okay, so maybe breaking into John Seed’s ranch without a plan was a bad idea. Maybe doing so without making sure he wasn’t there was a really bad idea, if Rook being tied to a chair next to Sharky in John’s immaculate and gaudy living room was any indication.

Their wrists had been tied behind their backs and ankles tied to the legs of their respective chairs by Peggies who John had then shooed away so he could “concentrate and interrogate them in peace.” Which, apparently, meant first rummaging through Rook’s pockets and adding anything he found to the pile of confiscated guns and explosives that sat in a heap next to them while the deputy glared daggers. 

John had just relieved Rook of the last of their items when their radio burst to life in his hand.

“You two doin’ okay at the Ranch? Still need pick up?” Adelaide’s voice cut through the tense air of the room. John raised an eyebrow and looked at the radio as if it personally insulted him before moving his finger to hover over the call button. 

“Tell her that you are okay or I will take out some of my wrath on your friend here.” He gave a pointed look towards Sharky before holding the radio out to the Deputy, just close enough that they could speak into it. Rook thought it was an over-the top-threat from an over-the-top asshole but they had personally learned what John was capable of when he had carved into their chest with his tattoo gun. 

Rook took a breath and did their best to keep their voice even. If John thought they were trying to tip her off, Rook knew he wouldn’t hesitate to take a knife to Sharky. 

“Hey, Adelaide. We’re fine.” 

John whispered, “You don’t need picked up.” 

Rook swallowed and glanced first at Sharky, then back at John, wheels turning as they tried to think up a lie. 

“We don’t need picked up, Addie. Uh…turns out that John was home so me and Sharky had to jack a car and get out of there fast.”

There was a moment of silence and Rook wasn’t sure whether to hope that Adelaide believed their lie or not.

“You didn’t fuck him did you?”

Everyone in the room nearly choked in surprise while Adelaide just laughed at her own words. 

“Now don’t act like I haven’t made my thoughts on what John Seed wants to do with you very clear.”

Adelaide grumbled for a moment, talking more to herself than her team.  
“…suddenly turning into a prude…”

John Seed removed his finger from the call button, his lips twitching as he searched for what to say. Deputy and Sharky just gave each each other a pained look.

But Adelaide was now at back full blast. 

“Sharky! Back me up, hon! I know you thought the same thing. What was it you told our Dep?” 

John looked incredulously at Boshaw, before taking a step towards him so he could speak into the radio. 

Sharky glanced at John, then Rook, then John again, his features in a grimace like he was in physical pain. He finally looked at the radio but merely opened and closed his mouth a few times. 

“Sharky, you there? You remember what you said?”

He closed his eyes and took a breath before finding his usual courage and making eye contact with the youngest Seed brother as he quoted himself. Rook could practically see him think “fuck it” before he spoke. 

“Uh…yeah, Aunt Addie. I told Dep that I thought John had hard-on for ‘em and that they should probably just fuck and get it over with.”

John’s eyebrows nearly disappeared into his hair line while Rook sent Sharky a look that could kill. Sharky looked back at them only somewhat apologetically and shrugged as much as his restraints would allow.

“There’s my nephew! Alright, if ya’ll got your own ride I’ll just circle back to the marina, hon.”

Sharky glanced at Rook again. “Sure, uh sounds good, Addie. We’ll meet ya there later, okay?”

“Sure thing! Addie out.” The radio went silent in John’s hand and along with it the entire room. It was a miracle itself that the radio didn’t shatter with the way John’s fingers had turned white from clenching it so tightly.

He didn’t stay frozen for long.

It sounded like several photo frames broke and clattered to the ground as the radio flew past the captives and collided with something behind them. 

Rook had seen John angry before but he was fuming now. “You sinners! The audacity to imply that I—that I would even think about—“ He ran a hand through his hair exasperatedly. “Bedding this heathen? The number one enemy of Eden’s Gate?” He flung his arms out wildly. “The group my brother founded under God’s will and that my whole family has devoted their lives to? Do you have anything to say for yourselves?”

Sharky shrugged again, “Just callin’ it like I see it. Figured getting cut up would be worth it if you’d quit making eyes at Rook. It’s creepy, man.”

“For once, I didn’t have anything to do with it.” For all of the outposts liberated, Clutch Nixon stunts re-enacted, animals tamed, old lighters, comic books, and bobbleheads hunted down this was one thing Rook truly had nothing to do with. It wasn’t that John wasn’t attractive, he was a very handsome man, but Rook wasn’t stupid nor a traitor and they certainly didn’t think John felt the same way.

John snarled something Rook couldn’t quite make out before he whirled around and stomped out of the room like a child throwing a tantrum.

“What the fuck? What the fuck, Sharky?” Rook couldn’t seem to decide between being quiet to avoid John hearing them from wherever the hell he just went and full-on yelling at Sharky for making this situation much more complicated so their words came out in an angry stage-whisper that was most definitely still audible unless John went all the way across the ranch.

“What was I supposed to say? Somebody needed to call him out on it!”

“You had to do it now?” 

“Don’t act like you don’t feel the same way towards him!”

“Sharky, did you miss the part where he’s pissed? Do you want a new tattoo today?”

“Oh, you bought that act?” John had quietly reappeared, unnoticed by the two arguing. His mood had completely changed in the short time he was gone. He seemed totally calm now. He chuckled, “You did catch me off-guard. I didn’t expect Boshaw here of all people to figure it out but I was just making sure we were alone. Your friend actually got something right for once.” 

Shit, Rook had forgotten just how much of a showman John was.

He took several steps toward where the deputy was trapped. “You look shocked. Is it because I’m a Herald? Of course I believe in what my brother is doing, but he doesn’t account for certain...desires that are perfectly human. Perhaps you’ve read the Song of Solomon?”

He clutched the key around his neck for a moment as if he was truly holding the key to Eden. “I was going to wait until your Atonement was complete but there’s no time like the present, is there?”

Was this a trap to trick them into admitting some so-called sin so he could tattoo it onto them for his fucked up vision of atonement? 

“Last I checked Eden’s Gate is pretty strictly against lust,” apprehension and condescension laced the deputy’s words.

John, ever the lawyer, was quick with an rebuttal. “Lust is when the drive takes over someone’s life and becomes a sin when not used appropriately. Joseph might think differently but I don’t see anything unholy about two consenting adults meeting their own desires. What do you say, Deputy?” 

Rook just sat silently to let his words sink in. John Seed, a Herald of The Project at Eden’s Gate, had an argument at the ready so he could get his dick wet guilt-free. Never a dull moment in Hope County, Montana.

“Are you trying to tell me you don’t feel the same way?” John even seemed offended that the deputy hadn’t jumped at the chance to do the “good, long something or other” Addie had so crudely alluded to in the past. He actually seemed sincerely hurt at the thought. 

“I…um...I didn’t say that exactly.” 

“Now that just won’t work, Deputy. What I need is a yes.” He eventuated his favorite word. Everything was about yes with John—the power of saying yes. 

“We’re enemies.” Rook was clearly running out of arguments but was never one to give in. Eden’s Gate might even call it pride.

“I think both you and I have earned the right to be selfish for a bit, don’t you agree? So why don’t we put aside this war for a moment and just do something for ourselves?” He was looking far too pleased with himself. “Tomorrow our regular game of cat and mouse can resume, I promise. You can go back to trying to kill me and I’ll continue cleansing you of your sins.” 

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ! Would you two get it over with please,” Sharky finally cut in. “Just fuck him and get it out of your damn system, Rook! All this tension is wigging me out.” He voice dropped a bit, “I’m fuckin’ third wheeling over here...I hate third wheeling.”

John’s response came out more as a threat than a question, “Are you asking for a show, Boshaw?” Because of course John would take it as a personal challenge.

But it was the deputy that responded first. 

“Yes.”

John immediately rushed to action upon hearing his favorite word. He kneeled and cut Sharky’s legs free with a knife he pulled from God knows where. “There’s no way in hell I’m dragging these chairs upstairs,” was his exasperated response at the pair’s confused looks.

Sharky was pulled to his feet, a hand quickly put on his shoulder and the knife put to the small of his back. “You’ll cooperate won’t you?” John nearly cooed the question but didn’t wait for a response as he started escorting Sharky up the nearby stairs. He stopped and turned his head toward the deputy as soon as he hit the second step though. “Don’t worry, Deputy, I’ll be back for you in just a minute.”

True to his word, John reappeared quickly, coming back down the stairs two at a time. 

“I’m so glad you agreed, Deputy,” he clasped his hands in barely-hidden excitement before cutting Rook free as well, swiftly pulling them up and a locking a hand onto their shoulder, guiding them the same way he had just done with Sharky minus the blade. There was no need to pretend that John getting so close didn’t make their knees go weak every time, Rook mused.

“I can’t believe Sharky and Adelaide were actually right,” Rook finally said as they climbed up the stairs.

“I was wondering when you’d take the hint, Dep. I thought I was being quite obvious.” He sighed. “But with so much going on it’s understandable. What’s important is that you’re here now.”

As the pair came to the second story landing and rounded the corner into John’s bedroom, Rook could see that Sharky was again tied to a chair, though much more relaxed now that the imminent threat of torture was gone. 

The chair was facing the way-too-large-for-one-person bed but Sharky looked up at them as they entered the room. 

“Oh, John,” Sharky mockingly called the lyrics of an all too familiar Peggie hymn and snickered at his own joke.

Choosing to ignore him, John stopped the deputy, his hand finally leaving their shoulder for a moment. Rook turned just fast enough to see a flash of light blue before his hands were on them again. This time grabbing their wrists and gently tying them together with what Rook realized was a silk tie he must have grabbed while up here earlier. 

Rook didn’t comment on it. John had seen them take down many of his men with little more than their hands so they really couldn’t blame him. 

Knot in place, his hand returned to Rook’s shoulder and he finally led them toward his bed, turning them around and pushing them to lie back on it. 

The impromptu handcuffs Rook could deal with but, sparing a glance at Sharky who looked liked he would’ve sent them a thumbs-up if his hands weren’t also tied, they weren’t as certain about the exhibitionism. 

“Do we really have to do this in front of him?”

John’s eyes stayed fixed on the deputy but Rook’s gaze was still on their teammate.  
“What, you don’t want your friend to see what can happen if you just say y–“

Rook cut him off with a shriek. “Sharky, are you fucking hard?”  
.  
.  
.  
Over an hour later the two resistance members emerged from the main building on John’s Ranch with strict orders to “Use the car by the road to get out of here” and “Don’t touch anything or we will have your atonement today after all.”

Rook was trying to figure out how they could walk without obviously limping and garnering unwanted questions while Sharky tugged his iconic green hoodie down to cover where the front of his jeans were slightly darker than usual.

“We are never talking about that again.”

“Oh hell no, we were right, man!  
I’m already figuring out exactly what I’m gonna say to Aunt Addie.”

“I hate you so much,” Rook said with the resigned sigh of someone used to putting up with Sharky’s antics. 

“Aw, you don’t mean that!” Rook just smiled at Sharky’s feigned offense. 

However, they grew serious as they kicked a stray rock.  
“…Do you think he’ll tell anyone?”

“Shit, I didn’t even think about that,” Sharky gently tugged at his beard in thought. “I mean he’s a herald ‘n all but this is also the guy who tried to claim that Kim Rye’s baby was his. So he’s just as likely to never mention it anyone as he his to broadcast it on the damn radio.” 

“Let’s hope he picks the former,” Rook said with a sense of dread as the car that John promised came into view. 

The two settled into the Peggie vehicle after Sharky’s pronouncement of dibs on driving. He put the key in the ignition while the deputy buckled their seatbelt. The radio crackled to life seconds after the car started and Rook stared at the dashboard in horror as the voice they had just heard say unholy things filtered through.

Sharky didn’t even wait for John to get past greeting the listening Peggies and find out what he would actually say before he spoke up.

“I mean...you knew Adelaide wouldn’t keep her mouth shut anyway, right?”

“I hate you.” Rook repeated for the second time that day, though they couldn’t hide the slight smile or blush on their face.

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, I started this fic two years ago when I originally played the game. I’ve recently gotten interested in Farcry again so I figured I’d brush off this draft and give it a proper ending.
> 
> I find it hilarious that both Adelaide and Sharky have canon dialogue about how they think John wants to bed the deputy. I also find it really interesting that John seems to believe in Joseph’s cause but then breaks the rules. The PEG is against sex before marriage since they’re a Christian cult and this is confirmed through Hurk’s line about wanting to join until he found out the list of things they don’t allow. We know John doesn’t follow the rules because in the Farcry 5 book he is confirmed to have sex on a somewhat regular basis with a woman the protagonist speaks to. So I wanted to play with that idea a bit as well.
> 
> Thanks for reading! <3


End file.
